new years resolutions are dumb

     I never make New Year's resolutions not because I have anything against resolutions, but because I think it's silly to wait until a new year starts to make them. Don't say, "starting Janurary 1st I'm going to read that book," or "I'll get right with God," or "I'm going to eat better," or whatever that thing that you've been meaning to do, but keep putting off is.
     Why wait? There's no time like the present! If there's something in your life that you aren't happy with, do something about it now! I don't care if it's April or October, if you want to change something, just do it!
     We aren't promised a tomorrow. Maybe this is all we get. Maybe the zombie apocalypse will happen tomorrow, or maybe Jesus is going to come back. There's no way to know when the end is until it's here, so do your best today. Resolve every day to be the best that you can be. Who cares what year it is?

Beautiful Disaster

*Disclaimer* I am in no way a poet, or even good at writing in any capacity, but got a random impulse to try to write a poem a while back. I realize the poem in itself is a disaster, but please don't laugh. Thank you.

Beautiful Disaster

She was entirely scattered
Bits of her life floating all around
Ideas, thoughts and feelings
Unable to be bound.
She was a beautiful disaster -
One chaotic mess.
But when he came along,
Everything made sense.
Her head screamed, "stay away!"
While her heart whispered, "closer!"
For when she was with him,
Her pieces fell together.
He made everything seem clear
And beyond a shadow of a doubt
She knew she wanted to waste time
Figuring this handsome puzzle out.

Why I am a Christian

     I am a Christian because without the hope that Jesus brings into my life, my entire exsistence is meaningless. If I'm not living for God, I'm living for myself and for the world, and tat world will be gone from me as soon as I die - maybe even sooner.
     The world can offer me countless things that are appealing, but nothing this world can give me compared to what Jesus can give me now, much less what He promises to give me in return for living faithfully for Him!
     It's an undeniable bargain! Jesus gave up his very life for me to take away my death penalty. The very least I can do for Him in return is to live my short life here on Earth in a way that will be pleasing to Him.
     When I decide to try things my own way instead of trusting and following God and then turn back to Him after I've made a mess of everything, even though I so don't deserve it, God still loves me. He knows every mistake I've made, and all the mistakes I have yet to make, but He doesn't give up on me. And when I try to comprehend His grace and how much He loved me, I am blown away.
     All things considered, how could I turn down this offer that Christ gives to us all?

"And I still can't believe,
That You've loved me for eternity,
And what's so marvelous to me,
Is that I finally get,
I finally get

To love You back."

struggles of introversion & the joys of friends

      I really like people! Humans do pretty rad stuff. My friends are my life and I love them dearly. But being around people, even people I enjoy spending time with, wears me out! I can only take so much social activity before I start feeling burnt out and I just need to get away and be by myself.
     I love the days where I can stay home, hiding from the world in my room. Not because something is wrong like I often get asked; I just enjoy spending time alone with myself and my thoughts!
     I don't know how to make others understand this aspect of my personality. Whenever I hear: "What do you mean, you can't hang out? You have the day off from work! Do you have other plans already?" I feel like I need to make up an excuse about being busy with something else instead of explaining that in reality my social energy is depleted so I just want to do nothing and recharge.

    ~*~

     Sometimes I want to be alone just because I'm tired, and other times I need to be alone because otherwise I'll go crazy. I'll be with some people, or just with my family and everything is fine when out of nowhere something in me snaps and all I can think is, "I need to get out of here!" I start to feel like I'm  drowning or being suffocated by the voice of whoever is talking to me, or by all the chatter going on around me. Then I can't breathe. I don't know why this happens. I'm a little concerned about it to be honest, because I don't think this is normal even for an introvert. Is it a form of anxiety or something? If so, what am I anxious about? I don't know. 
     Anyways...I'm weird. I don't even understand myself sometimes. But one thing I do know is that even though I sometimes enjoy and want to be alone, I don't want to be lonely. There's quite a difference between alone time, which I cherish and feeling all alone which is practically the worst thing ever.

  ~*~

  Going through tough times is so much easier when you have someone by your side through it all. Which is why I love my friends so much. For the longest time growing up I hardly had any friends, and none that I would consider true friends. I couldn't count the times I cried just because I was lonely and felt like I'd never have a real friend in the world, and then just prayed for genuine friendships someday.
     Well several years later and my life is so full with friendships that I'm surprised my heart hasn't burst with joy yet. I really consider the people in my life a miracle because I honestly can't figure out why people like me at all.
     I mean, I can be kind of awesome sometimes, but for the most part I am still an extremely awkward child. I also feel like while I am nice and all, I am a very boring person. Yet somehow I now  have a crazy-terrific best friend who is basically my sister, a super sweet boyfriend, and a butt ton of diverse friendships with all kinds of awesome people!
     Thank you, Jesus for hearing all my lonesome prayers and answering them by bringing so many great people into my life!

happy thoughts

From time to time I like to compile lists of random little things that make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. After my last post, I wanted to make another one! Usually I just scrawl these lists in a notebook, but I decided to make a fancy, digital one to put on this here blog. So yeah, here's my latest "happy list!"

"it's a good life, Hazel Grace"

     If you do not know who Hazel Grace is, then you should go read The Fault in Our Stars. It's an excellent book. So excellent, that I used a quote from it as my post title. But also because I have a good life. And I'm just thankful.
     My life is not very exciting or anything. I work, I watch too many tv shows, I do chores, I read books and I do things with friends. Pretty ordinary stuff, yeah? But mixed into my average life are so many awesome moments. Little things that are not a big deal, but they make me smile and then that little thing  becomes a sweet memory. When I think of all of these special moments, my heart feels so full and I just can't get over how blessed I am.
     I don't deserve the beautiful family I belong to. I don't deserve the weird and wonderful friends that I have. I don't deserve my Savior. And yet somehow I've managed to score a loving family, the best friends and the saving grace of Jesus.
     I couldn't ask for or even imagine a better life.

The Labyrinth

     In John Green's book, "Looking for Alaska," a major theme is the question: "How will I escape this labyrinth of suffering?" For the heck of it, I thought I'd write my thoughts on what the answer may be. (Note: This post will probably make no sense if you haven't read Looking for Alaska. In fact, it might not make sense anyway.)

     Anyways. "How will I escape this labyrinth of suffering?"

     As the fictional farm boy from "The Princess Bride," once said: "Life IS pain, Highness. Anyone who tells you differently is selling something." Life is pain and pain is suffering. Because of the Fall, suffering is now ingrained into life. So really, there is no way to escape this labyrinth that we call life, because suffering is inevitable. 

     I cannot escape, I can only endure. I can wait, and I wait with a hope of the future. Because while escape is not possible, rescue most surely is! I cannot escape the labyrinth because the One who created it is the only One who knows the way out, and that is why only the Creator can rescue me.

     While I wander in this labrinth, surrounded by the suffering that never ceases and always wounds, I do not lose heart. From my perspective, I cannot see the end - the way out - because the roads twist and turn chaotically and the walls are too high. But I have faith in the Rescuer who lights my path to show me the way to Him; the way out.

     While the pain and the suffering and the unfairness go on, I find peace knowing that someday everything will make sense. The pain hurts, but I know there is always a reason. My rescue is coming and so is the end of the suffering in this labyrinth.

children are magical creatures

     Children can be terrifying creatures that slobber and generate unearthly smells and noises, but a lot of the time they are kind of incredible.

     I've been really stressed out this past week to the point where I haven't been able to sleep very well, and get this: I've even kind of lost my appetite. (This is not natural. I seriously love food. Like, I'm surprised I don't already weigh 300 pounds!)

     But kids cured me! This weekend I had a job at an event center where my tasks were to greet people, collect their tickets, and stamp their hand as they came in. The event being held was a dinosaur exhibit/show thing that was aimed at a young audience, so most of the people I greeted were half my size.

     Let me tell you, I have never seen so many excited kids in my life. And there was something about seeing all these kids who were SO ecstatic about something fairly simple that just made me smile! Seeing tons of huge, adorable smiles and sparkling eyes made me miss being a little kid and feeling that way. Energetic, carefree, and filled with wonder.

    I love how kids are so easily amazed by things that we have become used to and don't appreciate anymore. They notice and love the small things. But most of all, they don't waste their time worrying about stupid stuff. (Except maybe the boogeyman or something) They're just happy to be.

     So I decided that I need to stop stressing about things, because worrying does exactly nothing. So I'm letting go of all that nonsense. I want to smile for no reason, just because I'm happy to be. I've been given this day on planet earth and I'm not going to waste it by not taking a step back to realize how awesome it is that I am here and breathing and free. I have a pretty nice life. So I'm going to start acting like it!

     To close, I'd like to share something a friend of mine said the other day: (actually this might be a quote from someone else, and he just used it as his Facebook status, but no matter!)

"Be happy for no reason, like a child. If you are happy for a reason, you're in trouble, because that reason can be taken from you."

     So yeah, kids must have magical powers because just by smiling at me, they made my attitude so much brighter!

the obligatory introduction

     Even though this blog is basically just for me to puke random thoughts upon, it wouldn't feel right not to do this post. I've had a blog of some kind since I was 10...you have to do an introduction post! Even though they suck.
 
     I like people. I really do. I am so very blessed to have bunches of extraordinary people in my life. But I am not a "people person." So I like people, but I don't like meeting new ones because at some point they always say, "tell me about yourself!" Oh, how I loathe that question! I don't even know myself, how am I supposed to help you know me?! Where do I even start?
    
     I'm just an 18 year old girl trying to follow Jesus and find her place in this crazy-beautiful, sometimes-crappy, never-perfect, but always-extrodinary world. It's nice to meet you. :)