I really like people! Humans do pretty rad stuff. My friends are my life and I love them dearly. But being around people, even people I enjoy spending time with, wears me out! I can only take so much social activity before I start feeling burnt out and I just need to get away and be by myself.
I love the days where I can stay home, hiding from the world in my room. Not because something is wrong like I often get asked; I just enjoy spending time alone with myself and my thoughts!
I don't know how to make others understand this aspect of my personality. Whenever I hear: "What do you mean, you can't hang out? You have the day off from work! Do you have other plans already?" I feel like I need to make up an excuse about being busy with something else instead of explaining that in reality my social energy is depleted so I just want to do nothing and recharge.
~*~
Sometimes I
want to be alone just because I'm tired, and other times I
need to be alone because otherwise I'll go crazy. I'll be with some people, or just with my family and everything is fine when out of nowhere something in me snaps and all I can think is,
"I need to get out of here!" I start to feel like I'm drowning or being suffocated by the voice of whoever is talking to me, or by all the chatter going on around me. Then I can't breathe. I don't know why this happens. I'm a little concerned about it to be honest, because I don't think this is normal even for an introvert. Is it a form of anxiety or something? If so, what am I anxious about? I don't know.
Anyways...I'm weird. I don't even understand myself sometimes. But one thing I do know is that
even though I sometimes enjoy and want to be alone, I don't want to be lonely. There's quite a difference between alone time, which I cherish and feeling all alone which is practically the worst thing ever.
~*~
Going through tough times is so much easier when you have someone by your side through it all. Which is why I love my friends so much. For the longest time growing up I hardly had any friends, and none that I would consider true friends. I couldn't count the times I cried just because I was lonely and felt like I'd never have a real friend in the world, and then just prayed for genuine friendships someday.
Well several years later and my life is so full with friendships that I'm surprised my heart hasn't burst with joy yet. I really consider the people in my life a miracle because I honestly can't figure out why people like me at all.
I mean, I can be kind of awesome sometimes, but for the most part I am still an extremely awkward child. I also feel like while I am nice and all, I am a very boring person. Yet somehow I now have a crazy-terrific best friend who is basically my sister, a super sweet boyfriend, and a butt ton of diverse friendships with all kinds of awesome people!
Thank you, Jesus for hearing all my lonesome prayers and answering them by bringing so many great people into my life!
