what motivates you?

     This seems to be a pretty common question in job interviews. Understandably employers want people who are driven to work hard, but before you're able to show them your work ethic, you have to convince them to give you a shot by telling them how you motivate yourself.
     I feel like a pretty good worker. I'm always striving to do better at whatever it is I do. But when I was first asked the question, "what motivates you?" it was actually tough for me to answer...I didn't really know!  I've been thinking about that question a lot lately for some reason. What keeps me going?

     I think one reason is that I was raised with the mentality that if you want something you have to work for it. "You don't get nothin' that you don't earn." I don't want anything handed to me in life. I want to earn it.There's nothing like the feeling of seeing the fruits of your labor and watching all your effort pay off!

   However, there is one thing I will never be able to earn, no matter how hard I try. And that thing is my salvation. There is simply nothing I can do to repay God for what He did for me. The fact is, I am not enough. I will never be enough. I have fallen short of the glory of God and I'm not worthy to be His.

     I could try all my life but it's impossible for me to measure up. I've made too big of a mess of things to be able to clean it up by myself. And if there was something I could do to "make up" for my sin, the sacrifice Jesus made wouldn't have even been necessary in the first place.

     But by His death and resurrection, I am made new; made worthy. He paid my debt, and now, being debt free and free of the guilt of sin, I have incredible value. (pretty awesome) What it comes down to is that lovely old song that says:

"Jesus paid it all.
All to Him I owe."

     So what motivates me each and every day to do my best is the knowledge of what Christ did for me. He died so that I can live. He gave up his life for me, so the least I can do is live for Him!

★ ☽ ★

He had a lovely smile
But it never reached his eyes
Because in his soul there was a sadness
Impossible to hide

He was an imploding star
So beautiful and bright
Destroyed by the thoughts
That kept him up at night.

     I feel like I am so busy. I feel like I'm always doing something, yet never really accomplishing anything. I'm becoming more and more aware of the amount of time I waste. If I'm not working, I'm sleeping. If I'm not sleeping, I'm out with friends, but my introverted self gets tired of being around others after a while, so the rest of the time, I'm at home on my online scrolling through my endless Tumblr feed, liking funny Facebook posts, catching up with my favorite Youtubers, or sending goofy Snaps on Snapchats back and forth with friends. Its disgusting, really. I can't even count the hours frittered away when I could have been doing things oh so much more worthwhile.
     Well the regret ends here. It's well past time to slow down and unplug. I am a firm believer that you are always capable of making time for what matters most to you. I think the happiest people are the ones who aren't easily distracted; the ones who live in the moment and aren't always scurrying off to the next thing. So I should probably stop scurrying and getting distracted.
     It's time to look up, and live and enjoy the moment I'm in because it's happening now. And its time to make the most of my time! My days are a gift from the Lord and I doubt He's very pleased to see all the days I spent staring at a screen.
     Basically what it comes down to is I am a lazy social media addict who needs to go back outside and look up for change. Instead of yearning to travel to all the breathtaking scenery shots I see on Tumblr and Instagram, I need to just step outside my front door and go on a walk. I may not have a view from a mountain top in New Zealand, but I'll have fresh air filling my lungs, the incredible sky above my head, and God just that much closer.
    It's time to make time for what makes my heart happy. It may be easier to sit back in a chair after being on my feet all day at work and check up on my beloved Instagram, but I'm so much happier if I take time to go on a bike ride. Or read a good book. Or play a board game with my little brother. Or go on a drive and sing my heart out to the radio. Or explore a new area of town and do a tourist-y thing. Or go on a walk and take pictures of all the beautiful things I come across.
     It's time to get off my duff and do some stuff. Bye bye laziness, I want to live!

new years resolutions are dumb

     I never make New Year's resolutions not because I have anything against resolutions, but because I think it's silly to wait until a new year starts to make them. Don't say, "starting Janurary 1st I'm going to read that book," or "I'll get right with God," or "I'm going to eat better," or whatever that thing that you've been meaning to do, but keep putting off is.
     Why wait? There's no time like the present! If there's something in your life that you aren't happy with, do something about it now! I don't care if it's April or October, if you want to change something, just do it!
     We aren't promised a tomorrow. Maybe this is all we get. Maybe the zombie apocalypse will happen tomorrow, or maybe Jesus is going to come back. There's no way to know when the end is until it's here, so do your best today. Resolve every day to be the best that you can be. Who cares what year it is?

Beautiful Disaster

*Disclaimer* I am in no way a poet, or even good at writing in any capacity, but got a random impulse to try to write a poem a while back. I realize the poem in itself is a disaster, but please don't laugh. Thank you.

Beautiful Disaster

She was entirely scattered
Bits of her life floating all around
Ideas, thoughts and feelings
Unable to be bound.
She was a beautiful disaster -
One chaotic mess.
But when he came along,
Everything made sense.
Her head screamed, "stay away!"
While her heart whispered, "closer!"
For when she was with him,
Her pieces fell together.
He made everything seem clear
And beyond a shadow of a doubt
She knew she wanted to waste time
Figuring this handsome puzzle out.

Why I am a Christian

     I am a Christian because without the hope that Jesus brings into my life, my entire exsistence is meaningless. If I'm not living for God, I'm living for myself and for the world, and tat world will be gone from me as soon as I die - maybe even sooner.
     The world can offer me countless things that are appealing, but nothing this world can give me compared to what Jesus can give me now, much less what He promises to give me in return for living faithfully for Him!
     It's an undeniable bargain! Jesus gave up his very life for me to take away my death penalty. The very least I can do for Him in return is to live my short life here on Earth in a way that will be pleasing to Him.
     When I decide to try things my own way instead of trusting and following God and then turn back to Him after I've made a mess of everything, even though I so don't deserve it, God still loves me. He knows every mistake I've made, and all the mistakes I have yet to make, but He doesn't give up on me. And when I try to comprehend His grace and how much He loved me, I am blown away.
     All things considered, how could I turn down this offer that Christ gives to us all?

"And I still can't believe,
That You've loved me for eternity,
And what's so marvelous to me,
Is that I finally get,
I finally get

To love You back."

struggles of introversion & the joys of friends

      I really like people! Humans do pretty rad stuff. My friends are my life and I love them dearly. But being around people, even people I enjoy spending time with, wears me out! I can only take so much social activity before I start feeling burnt out and I just need to get away and be by myself.
     I love the days where I can stay home, hiding from the world in my room. Not because something is wrong like I often get asked; I just enjoy spending time alone with myself and my thoughts!
     I don't know how to make others understand this aspect of my personality. Whenever I hear: "What do you mean, you can't hang out? You have the day off from work! Do you have other plans already?" I feel like I need to make up an excuse about being busy with something else instead of explaining that in reality my social energy is depleted so I just want to do nothing and recharge.

    ~*~

     Sometimes I want to be alone just because I'm tired, and other times I need to be alone because otherwise I'll go crazy. I'll be with some people, or just with my family and everything is fine when out of nowhere something in me snaps and all I can think is, "I need to get out of here!" I start to feel like I'm  drowning or being suffocated by the voice of whoever is talking to me, or by all the chatter going on around me. Then I can't breathe. I don't know why this happens. I'm a little concerned about it to be honest, because I don't think this is normal even for an introvert. Is it a form of anxiety or something? If so, what am I anxious about? I don't know. 
     Anyways...I'm weird. I don't even understand myself sometimes. But one thing I do know is that even though I sometimes enjoy and want to be alone, I don't want to be lonely. There's quite a difference between alone time, which I cherish and feeling all alone which is practically the worst thing ever.

  ~*~

  Going through tough times is so much easier when you have someone by your side through it all. Which is why I love my friends so much. For the longest time growing up I hardly had any friends, and none that I would consider true friends. I couldn't count the times I cried just because I was lonely and felt like I'd never have a real friend in the world, and then just prayed for genuine friendships someday.
     Well several years later and my life is so full with friendships that I'm surprised my heart hasn't burst with joy yet. I really consider the people in my life a miracle because I honestly can't figure out why people like me at all.
     I mean, I can be kind of awesome sometimes, but for the most part I am still an extremely awkward child. I also feel like while I am nice and all, I am a very boring person. Yet somehow I now  have a crazy-terrific best friend who is basically my sister, a super sweet boyfriend, and a butt ton of diverse friendships with all kinds of awesome people!
     Thank you, Jesus for hearing all my lonesome prayers and answering them by bringing so many great people into my life!